Mediation

First mediation meeting today with the Ex. It went well, the mediator was impartial and kept on emphasising the positive side of things. She was careful to ensure blame wasn't cast on anyone. I just hope my Ex took on board the comments and suggestions the mediator had....

Looking forward to my trip to London tomorrow one of the girls who won a ticket is very attractive and amply proportioned so if the concert isn't much cop at least I can distract myself. I must admit I'm slightly concerned that I might get blind drunk (that's the problem when it's a free bar!) and throw up on the 250 mile journey home though, How much is the soiling fine these days?

Back to work

My old company called me up and wanted to know if I'd be interested in working for them again. It seems they wanted to give me some time to get my head straight and deal with all the crap that was happening at the time. I must admit I'm desperate to get back into work. All this sitting around everyday, browsing the internet, playing video games, watching films, isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean sure it's fine for a week or two but it gets damn stale after a while........sometimes it feels like I'm just a mindless zombie doing the same old thing, day after day.

One problem with returning to work though: The money! Hear me out on this one.

There's two problems:
1) If I'm unemployed I'm entitled to free legal help in terms of custody for the children and such. (but would obviously mean I go a touch brain dead and have 0 cash).
2) If I get a job my mind gets stimulated and I have money to play with, but then don't qualify for legal aid (and I sure as hell can't afford to pay a solicitor privately).

I suppose the sensible thing to do is reduce my hours, therefore my earnings are below the minimum allowance to qualify for legal aid.......Doesn't this strike anyone else as screwed up?

I just hope I don't get internet withdrawals.........

Off to the Solicitor we go!

Had an appointment with my solicitor today. She was pretty cool, a little blunt and too the point, but I think that's a good thing for someone who deals with the law all day. She advised me to try and get my ex to go to mediation. Apparently that can solve 9 out of 10 of these cases and they don't need to go to court.....Why do I feel that I'm the 1 out of 10 that just goes totally wrong?

So I get a call from my kids on fathers day which was nice. My little one kept saying "I miss you daddy" :( I know my ex would have been standing there and would have heard that. How can she not just put her hands up admit she's wrong and stop causing this pain to me and the children, is she so misguided that she still thinks she's doing the right thing?

So tell me, are there any women out there how aren't evil vindictive bitches? And if so can you give me a phone number :)

Take That and I'll take the kids!

I swear someone up there is messing with me. Yesterday I find out I've won an all expense paid trip to go and see Take That in Wembley in the Malibu (Pernod Ricard) VIP box via a sales competition at my old job (bloody hell, guess I am quite good at selling then!). "That's pretty cool" I say to myself, "maybe things are starting to look up?............"

No, I then receive an email from my ex girlfriend saying that the amicable arrangement between us (regarding me visiting the children) isn't working for her and it's making us both stressed out. So she's cancelled the visit I had planned this Sunday (yeah, Fathers day, that's right! Heartless much?) and that she wishes to go through official channels, and doesn't want me to contact her at all. At this point I just sit back in my chair and shake my head. What have I done to deserve this sort of treatment? I've not been abusive, I've always been generous and thoughtful, If I've a bad word to say about anyone I usually keep it to myself. It just baffles me how someone can be so heartless and uncaring. Not to mention the damage this must be causing the children.

Ah well, time to get hold of that solicitor I guess. Guess I'll play some Terraria while I wait.

Cat

One of the things my ex did to try to hurt me was to return my cat....Now I know that doesn't sound very hurtful at all, but she was well aware that my dad doesn't like animals and knew that I wouldn't be able to keep her here. So one day she drops her off outside my house in a cat basket (without any warning) and texts me to tell me she's there. Now not only did this upset me more than the fact that I'd split from my ex (which is a little weird) the children loved that cat.

So now she finds out I've asked my sister to look after the cat and she's all like "I can't believe you would take the cat there, it stinks, it isn't clean, there's kids running round everywhere" "I've only got the cats interests at heart and the kids miss her, she'd be better off being looked after by me".......Now why didn't the b***h think of that when she gave her back?

Friends think she's only doing so that she can manipulate me again. I'm struggling with the fact that I don't want to believe that. Maybe a sneaky way to resolve the situation is to "give" ownership to one of the kids, that way she can't try and return it to hurt me without really upsetting the children (which I don't think she'd do).

It's sad that I have to resort to these sort of manipulative ways to ensure that I don't get crapped on.

Time to play some Titan Quest.

Assault Charge

So during the part of the breakup that was hostile, The ex assaulted me (I was only round there to collect some property) So I call the police and they take a statement, etc, etc. I get a call today from the Officer who is dealing with the crime and he tells me that she's going to get off with a caution. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this, Part of me is happy that she will hopefully think twice about doing it again, and part of me is upset that she got in too trouble.

I think a part of my problem is that I'm very considerate of others, even if they are in the wrong. My family and friends all say that I shouldn't feel sorry for her or allow her to manipulate me anymore, but I can't help but try and help her out. What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway, I'm off to play some Call of Pripyat....

The Beginning

So, Everything was going ok for a few years. Engaged, had a child, had a nice house, etc. Then things start getting a little strained. The previous relationship had me a bit paranoid (Thanks cheating ex!) and no matter how many times she said "I'm not <ex's name>, don't compare my actions to hers" it just wouldn't sink in.

I'm a reasonably intelligent bloke, I can normally tell when someone is lying to me or acting out of character. So when she starts acting a little strange (I'm sure you've seen the signs: Mobile on silent, never lets it out of her site, spends more time on the pc, etc) I understandably grow concerned. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let it grow inside me, eating away at my confidence and sense of self worth. I then start spying on her, reading her text's, reading her emails, I even went as far as to plant a keylogger on the PC to check up on her IM conversations.

Even to this day I'm not convinced that she actually did anything, but I think the intention was there, just quietly bubbling away under the service. I think that was the beginning of the end to be honest, Even though we got through it and forgave one another, the damage was done. The relationship never fully recovered from that.

So here I am, 5 years later. I've lost my mum, I've lost my job, I nearly lost my life, and it feels like I'm losing my grip on reality.

There's positives on the horizon though, I can still see my kids on a weekend, My old company are interested in taking me back on (after a reasonable amount of leave to sort my head out) and I'm single (which is a double edged sword I guess). Just need to deal with the boredom for the moment......anyone for some Guitar Hero?