Not so much wisdom

Recently I had to undergo one of the most painful experiences most adults share in common - A wisdom tooth extraction. Now I've already had three of the buggers removed but this one seemed to scare me the most. I was convinced they were going to have to cut away a part of my gum to get the sucker out. Meaning not being able to eat properly and being in a reasonable amount of pain for quite some time.

So I turn up at the Dental Hospital 15 mins before my appointment, make myself known to the reception clerk and take a seat. I quickly get bored of the old magazines they have, and trying to keep my nervousness to a minimum I take a look around at the other patients. One woman in particular keeps my attention. She's white, probably around her mid 20's and she's talking to a rather well dressed older couple who are sat opposite her. The older chap looks like he'd be more at ease sat on the deck of a small ocean going pleasure boat with a very expensive single malt with ice in his hand, As he looks out over the Monte Carlo marina. But don't get me wrong he's still listening to what this woman has to say with no hint of any pompous "I'm better than you attitude" Which really surprised me. This mid 20's girl is obviously out of her face on something - whether it's medicinal or recreational I don't know. I overhear the story of why she's there: Apparently she was out with her boyfriend (at the pub I assume from the way she talks about it) and someone had asked her for a cigarette, she refused to comply, and was then thoroughly beaten by two black guys. The beating included kicking her in the face when she was on the floor. She then explained that she had gotten an infection as the face kicking had caused one of her teeth to crack - exposing the nerve. And as she moved around I could see the lower left side of her face was quite swollen. I start to feel sorry for her a little bit. And I'm quite impressed that the older couple are listening to the girls story without being rude (guess that shows my low expectations of people).

Her boyfriend then walks in. A very skinny Black guy in his early 20's. He walks up to her and gives her a drink and starts scoffing on a hamburger, he looks over at me and I can see by his eyes that he's "off his tits". Strangely I suddenly lose all sympathy for the girl.

During the course of the next hour (yes, that's the joys of the NHS: You turn up for a scheduled appointment and then wait another 60 mins to be seen) He has a conversation on his phone whilst pacing up and down the waiting area swearing at the other person in a violent way. He accuses one of the other waiting patients to be a police officer and try's to wind him up by placing calls for bags of "potatoes" - and refers to the devilishly cunning scheme as reverse psychology. All the while getting more and more fidgety.

Try as I might though, I just couldn't feel any sympathy for him or his pained girlfriend.

I think I'm turning into my father.

Turn up for the books

You know it's quite nerve racking going on dates with girls you've never met. I guess you get to know them a little bit from talking to them via messages on the dating sites but the written word can be misinterpreted very easily.

I just want to stop there for a second and pass on some advice. If you're single and need a bit of an ego boost sign up to one of those sites. Spend a bit of time creating your profile and post up a couple of "normal" pictures. Keep it happy and positive - I'm sure you'll have a couple of messages within the first week. Enjoy yourself and talk to a couple of people, but please be gentle with them , remember they are on there to try and find a nice guy who can treat them well - Don't go dragging it out for months without meeting them whilst the whole time they think there's a good chance you are boyfriend material.

So anyway.......I went on a couple of dates, they were fun, But I kept running into the same problem: I would get too attached to girls that I just didn't really feel much for. The first one I went on a date with: I got the impression she was a bit too high maintenance for me but I liked spending time with someone after being on my own for so long. We spent a couple of weeks texting each other (every day) and went on another date but she called it off when you she just "couldn't feel any chemistry" ah well on to the next one.....

Going Through the Motions

So what happened next?

Well I just soldiered on for a while. Tried to rekindle my love affair with video games and Sci-Fi (which I was able to do to a certain degree) - So it carried on like that for a while, me and the ex seemed to go from amicable to mortal enemies back to amicable every few weeks or so (10 points if you can guess if I was always in the wrong or not) and I was seeing my girls on a regular basis.

But like I mentioned in a previous post - I was lonely. I tried to date a couple of girls from work but that was a bad idea - one of them was a complete bitch who led me on for months and then when I was interested and keen she kicked me in the proverbials. The other was someone who was in a long term relationship, so obviously that one wasn't going anywhere. My best friend kept suggesting that I just enjoy singledom whilst I could, but that's easy to say when you're in a happy (sex filled) relationship isn't it?

So at the suggestion of a colleague I tried out internet dating (plentyoffish to be precise) and I'm so glad I did. I'll be honest, I'm not an ugly chap by any means but I've always lacked confidence in myself and this has caused me to not pursue members of the fairer sex as often as one of you may. If I'd had known how easy it was to arrange dates and meet woman on internet dating sites I would have done it a long time ago! I'm not talking anything seedy - I wasn't just trying to hook up with a girl to get my end away (though it would have taken the edge off I guess Ha-ha) I was trying to find someone who I had a connection with. It didn't take long - Within a couple of weeks of signing up and talking to a couple of girls here and there I received a message from a user named Cheekyrose "Fancy a chat?" she said...........

Large change part 2

In the end I managed to kick the sleeping tablet habit I was slipping into. Things just didn't work out with the ex, I tried my hardest to forgive her but it was no use, in the end the effort was just not worth it.
So I found myself single again. At first I loved it - I could do what I want, see who I wanted, buy what I wanted (within reason of course) eat what I wanted, etc. So things were pretty cool for a while.
But the loneliness sets in pretty quickly, doesn't it? And then the doubt starts to creep in "what if I never meet someone" etc etc.  You start getting stupid ideas like getting back with one of the ex's or being a complete bastard and lying through your teeth just to get into a girls pants. Not a pretty situation,  I'm sure you'd agree??

Large change

Wow.......so it's been over a year since my last post!

So what's been going on in my life? Well I'll try and pick up where my last post left off.

The mediator planted a seed in my head. One of the last things she mentioned in that first meeting was that she got the impression that there were still feelings. Now if you'd asked me that before I'd went into that room I would have said "no chance", but she got me thinking.

So I explored the possibility.........and ended up getting back with the ex. It seemed like a good idea at the time, things felt fresh and new and everything was exciting again.

Then she dropped a bomb on me - she had been unfaithful. She'd had an affair for over a year and a half (it started less than a month after she'd given birth to my daughter - ouch!) but it was over a 'long time ago' apparently. I tried my best to come to terms with it and to forgive her (god knows how this didn't drive me towards another overdose) but I just couldn't do it.

I wanted to forgive her, I wanted to forget. I grew dependant on sleeping tablets to get to sleep. I found if I didn't take one things would just go round and around in my head until it felt like a was going mad. They worked, they numbed me - not just to get to sleep, I noticed that the next day I was still quite lethargic and would be able to do my job without my mind constantly reminding me of what she had done.......