Monday, 6 June 2011

The Beginning

So, Everything was going ok for a few years. Engaged, had a child, had a nice house, etc. Then things start getting a little strained. The previous relationship had me a bit paranoid (Thanks cheating ex!) and no matter how many times she said "I'm not <ex's name>, don't compare my actions to hers" it just wouldn't sink in.

I'm a reasonably intelligent bloke, I can normally tell when someone is lying to me or acting out of character. So when she starts acting a little strange (I'm sure you've seen the signs: Mobile on silent, never lets it out of her site, spends more time on the pc, etc) I understandably grow concerned. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let it grow inside me, eating away at my confidence and sense of self worth. I then start spying on her, reading her text's, reading her emails, I even went as far as to plant a keylogger on the PC to check up on her IM conversations.

Even to this day I'm not convinced that she actually did anything, but I think the intention was there, just quietly bubbling away under the service. I think that was the beginning of the end to be honest, Even though we got through it and forgave one another, the damage was done. The relationship never fully recovered from that.

So here I am, 5 years later. I've lost my mum, I've lost my job, I nearly lost my life, and it feels like I'm losing my grip on reality.

There's positives on the horizon though, I can still see my kids on a weekend, My old company are interested in taking me back on (after a reasonable amount of leave to sort my head out) and I'm single (which is a double edged sword I guess). Just need to deal with the boredom for the moment......anyone for some Guitar Hero?